I consider myself somewhat of a mascara connoisseur because advertising works on me, and I will try almost anything new.

I will admit, I haven’t tried the mascaras with vibrating wands, because I find that to be potentially dangerous and the price of $39 disturbing — but I’ll try almost anything once.

I’ve used everything from Dior Show to NYX, so I am neither a high-end mascara snob, or afraid to go cheap. I should disclose that I prefer volumizing or thickening formulas to lengthening ones. I have pretty long lashes and since I wear glasses, if they get much longer I can’t blink without them hitting the lenses and getting mascara all over them. Not a good look.

During a recent trip to a certain big box store I noticed a mascara called “The Falsies” on an end cap. Intrigued, I thought for about two seconds before grabbing it. I vaguely remember trying the VOLUM’E EXPRESS original formula at some point during my formative years, but this is NEW — and allegedly creates a “false lash effect”!!! GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!

a terrible picture of this stuff that I took just for you!

So the thing that stood out to me on the package, is that it shows a picture of the brush and says “spoon brush”. Which means it has a curved shape, with shorter bristles on the inside of the curve, and longer bristles covering the rest. It’s actually a good idea, and I can reach all my lashes really easily with it. Maybelline gets design points for the brush.

When I used this for the first time, I quickly remembered why I do not like Maybelline mascaras. You know that pink and green tube of Great Lash that everyone’s grandmother and mother used, and which still sells all over the world at a rate of one tube every second*? Well, I hate Great Lash because it’s really WET.

Wet mascara doesn’t thicken. It hangs there, pulling the curl out of my lashes that my Shu Uemura lash curler created so well. I’m honestly prefer a drier mascara because a drier formula means it creates bulk and thickness, giving my lashes some “oomph”. Unfortunately, The Falsies is similar to Great Lash in that it’s very wet, pulled the curl out of my lashes pretty much immediately, and made my lashes stick together, which doesn’t serve to make them look thicker. Using a lash comb did help separate lashes, but that’s a lot of work when there are mascaras out there that don’t require additional steps after application. Here are my wide-eyed results.

That’s just on my upper lashes, not lower, for the record. These are so-so results, and that was after much combing and 3 coats on each eye. Honestly it doesn’t lengthen all that well either, as you can see. In my opinion, poor results for the effort and time I put in. Also note that under my right eye you can see some flakes and I had just applied and let this stuff dry. If it flakes that quickly, imagine what it will look like in 6 hours. I ended up wiping flakes from under my eyes several times a day while wearing this.

In closing, save your money girls, The Falsies is not a push-up bra for you lashes. I plan to review a mascara I love in the very near future, so stay tuned my lovelies!

*This is a completely unverified statistic! :-)